Tuesday, December 29, 2009

This is to be my symphony

William Henry Channing's "Symphony" is something that has always stuck with me from the very first time I read it:

"To live content with small means;
to seek elegance rather than luxury,
and refinement rather than fashion;
to be worthy, not respectable,
and wealthy, not rich;

To study hard, think quietly,
talk gently, act frankly;
to listen to stars and birds,
to babes and sages, with open heart;
to bear all cheerfully, do all bravely,
await occasions, hurry never.

In a word, to let the spiritual,
unbidden and unconscious,
grow up through the common.

This is to be my symphony."

It always struck me as something that I should aspire to but something I've always had problems with. I'm not really one for bearing all cheerfully. In fact, one of my favorites things in the world to do is vent about my issues over a breakfast sandwich and coffee in a diner. And awaiting occasions isn't really my thing either - I have limited patience and like Veruca Salt, want EVERYTHING now.

I turned 31 recently and when I looked at my life, I realized that nothing was like how I thought it was going to be. I'm 31. I thought that my life would be together by now. That I'd feel like an adult. But I don't. If this is supposed to be my symphony, it's got a pretty mediocre start.

I feel like at work I'm this very together person. People come to me asking me questions on how to do things and where to find things. I know what I'm doing there and am in control. And then at home, I'm a mess. I'm terrible at "keeping a house" and my husband and I live off of take out. We're having trouble having a baby, and that just makes me grumpy and makes me want to do things around the house and cook even less. But I'm 31! Isn't it time for me to act like an adult? At least SOMEWHAT. I realize there is value in staying young at heart, but I don't think that means living like a 23 year old frat boy.

So I've decided that 2010 is going to be a time of change. It seems like a really good year to start to turn things around, right? It's such a nice even number and everything! So this is my year to turn it around. And I better do it soon because if we ever are able to have a kid, I'd like to think that I will be able to take care of myself AND the baby. And maybe if I'm writing it all down for the world to see, then maybe I will be able to keep a positive spin on it. So here goes nothing...

1 comment:

  1. I just turned 30 and feel the same way. Who hasn't?!! I thought I'd be married with kids by 26 and here I am, single. But there's alot to be thankful for on the path that was chosen. Good luck keeping your house in order - perfect practice for when your baby arrives :)